


if you were here i'd be home now

by dizzyondreams



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Agender Character, Canon Compliant, First Kisses, Fluff, M/M, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 07:59:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4598952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzyondreams/pseuds/dizzyondreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenma has a problem. A problem in the shape of a skinny boy with bruised up knees and a grin a mile wide.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if you were here i'd be home now

**Author's Note:**

> kenma is agender and uses he/him pronouns bc he doesn't Really Care and hinata is a trans boy B)

i.

Kenma has a problem. A problem in the shape of a skinny boy with bruised up knees and a grin a mile wide. Hinata Shouyou. The name rolls around his head, never from his lips, gathering momentum and _feelings_ , sickly warm feelings. Like how it would feel to brush his fingers through his mop of red hair, sit next to him and feel the heat from his body leech through his clothes and warm Kenma through his own. He’s experienced the heat of that 400 watt grin aimed directly at him, and the memory of it has him pressing his cold hands to his burning cheeks, alone in his bed miles from the source.

Hinata’s all knees and elbows, skinny and gawky in that way teenage boys are before they grow into their bodies. A shock of red hair and golden summer freckles across his nose and on the tops of his shoulders. A grin too big for his face, crooked front teeth and chapped lips. Kenma has never seen someone so _magnetic_. He _thrums_ with energy, a ball of kinetic motion, tripping over his feet and speaking with his hands. In comparison Kenma feels cold, remote, isolated. Even with Hinata sending him those smiles like fire, practically vibrating next to him. Kenma feels miles away, every beat of his heart slow, icy. He thinks there’s a string attached to his heart, tightening and loosening with every answering thump of Hinata’s. Stretching across the miles. He wants him, yeah, maybe even loves him. Maybe Kenma has loved him since his shadow had fallen across him and he’d heard his bright voice ask, “What’s that?” 

But it’s not like Kenma is good with stuff like this. _Feelings_ kind of stuff. Palms-of-your-hands sweaty kind of stuff. Hinata is easy, he attracts people like a magnet, overbrimming with warmth and enthusiasm and pure wild idealism. How is Kenma even supposed to approach a person like that? Stepping too close to the sun could melt his frozen insides, leave him vulnerable and soft. 

He watches Hinata chat animatedly to Tanaka, hands a blur as he speaks, doubling over laughing at something the other boy says. He begins to wonder if Hinata would laugh if he tried to kiss him, but stops himself before he can go any further.

It’s just a fleeting crush, he tells himself, before Kuroo calls his name from across the court. He traipses over, steeling himself for that corny speech Kuroo always makes before a match. His palms are sweaty, and he rubs them against his uniform as if he could banish his crush that easily.

 

ii.

Hinata gives Kenma his number on the day they leave the training camp, makes him promise that he’ll text him. The promise feels heavy in Kenma’s mouth, and he keeps his eyes downturned to the ground for the most part, hair shielding him from the eyes of Hinata’s teammates. A small spark of warmth is blooming in his chest and he watches Hinata bound away, throwing a wave over his shoulder, a smile tugging at his lips. The late afternoon sun turns the tips of Hinata’s red hair gold, and Kenma watches as he bounds up to Tanaka, jumping onto his back with an awkward sort of grace that Kenma likes. 

They texted a lot. Or rather, Hinata texted a lot. Kenma finds talking over text hard, and most of his replies consist of emojis. Hinata seems unfazed by it, sending long texts about his day, telling Kenma all about practice, or something Kageyama had said to him, or whatever he and Noya had gotten up to that day. Kenma likes that he wants to share his day with him enough that he’ll text him despite Kenma’s awkwardness over text, likes that he’s someone Hinata thinks is important enough to tell him everything that had happened. They often stay up late, Kenma blinking tiredly in the light of his phone as Hinata talks to him, sending the occasional word, or jumble of emojis back. He appreciates that Hinata doesn’t press him to speak, just lets him text as he likes.

One night his tired thumb hits a kiss emoji instead of the smiling one with his goodnight text, and he doesn’t realise until after he sent it. Heart in his mouth, nestled under his covers in a warm little cave, he waits for Hinata’s reply. Seconds tick by, then a minute before the three little dots telling him Hinata is replying pop up. Hours seem to pass as he watches Hinata type, his breath fogging the screen of his phone until he has to resurface from his blanket cave for fresh air. In that time, Hinata has replied. Kenma stares down at his phone, pulse thudding loud in his ears as his eyes follow the two lines of kissing emojis that come after Hinata’s usual goodnight.

Ears burning, he slides back under the duvet, clutching his phone to his chest with sweaty hands.

 

iii.

They meet up again that summer, this time without their teams, without people butting into their conversations, always eclipsing Kenma, louder and funnier than him without even trying. Kenma tries to quell the anxiety rising in his chest as he waits for Hinata in the train station, checking his phone every two seconds to make sure he hasn’t missed anything. He tells himself that Hinata wouldn’t come all the way to Tokyo if he didn’t want to hang out with him, he wouldn’t text Kenma every night and Skype with him for hours even though Kenma barely ever spoke, if he didn’t like him. Kenma thinks again of Hinata’s goodnight text the night before, scrolls back through Hinata’s travel updates to re-read it. _Goodnight, Kenma!! Can’t wait to see you tomorrow!_ A tendril of warmth unfurls itself in Kenma’s stomach, and he ducks his head, hair swinging forward to hide his smile.

Hinata’s train came in late afternoon, and Kenma finds his palms familiarly clammy as he spots Hinata’s bright head of hair through the crowd. His heart thuds in his chest, and he raises a nervous hand to signal to Hinata where he is. When Hinata spots him he grins wide, that sunbeam of a smile that Kenma always found himself dazzled by. 

“Kozume!” He cries, and Kenma watches as Hinata battles his way out of the crush of people to bounce over to where Kenma is waiting. “Hello!”

“Hi,” Kenma begins, but finds himself swept up in an enthusiastic hug as soon as Hinata comes close enough. He smells like flowery shampoo and bubblegum, and Kenma panics for a second before he finds his hands and hugs back. Kenma has never hugged Hinata before, and is surprised at how tiny Hinata feels against him, little bird bones and sun touched skin. Then he steps back, and Kenma finds himself blushing about how long they’ve been hugging. But Hinata’s smile washes his doubts away, as he cocks his head to the side and asks, “So, you wanna get something to eat?”

The rest of the afternoon passes without a hitch. Kenma takes Hinata to one of his favourite udon places in the city, the one Nekoma would normally visit after a match. They talk about volleyball, Hinata exclaims over a new video game he’d bought, Kenma reddens every time they brush shoulders, or bump knees under the table. 

“So,” Hinata begins, pausing a moment to swallow a mouthful of food before leaning over the table a little, chopsticks aloft. “Are we gonna see Tokyo Tower?”

Kenma hides a smile behind his hair. Hinata, as well as the rest of Karasuno, had been enamoured with the idea of visiting Tokyo Tower when they’d met them at training camp. “We could see it tomorrow.” He says quietly, reaching for his tea. “We should go when it’s getting dark, so we can see it all lit up.”

Hinata goggles at him from across the table, and Kenma laughs at the look on his face. “Really!” He exclaims, “I would love to!” Kenma bites his lip to keep his grin from stretching across his face, heart feeling funny and big in his chest from happiness. 

They catch the train back to Kenma’s house, Hinata chattering away next to him, his shoulder pressed to Kenma’s, a warm and solid presence against his side. Kenma lets himself relax, humming whenever Hinata pauses for breath to show him he’s listening. The lights flicker by, casting dancing orange light over Hinata’s features. Kenma only tears his eyes away from Hinata’s bright, animated face when he catches Kenma’s eye, and Kenma turns away, cheeks reddening when he realises he’d been staring. It’s hard not to, when Hinata’s face is so honest and magnetic. 

Kenma’s mother makes a fuss over Hinata when they get in, taking his bags and shoving them at Kenma, who rolls his eyes but takes them upstairs anyway. Luckily, Hinata’s one of those people who are good with parents, and by the time Kenma rejoins them he’s sitting at the table and chatting to Kenma’s mum like they’ve known each other for years. 

Kenma eventually manages to drag Hinata away, and is suddenly struck with the realisation of what he’s done when his bedroom door closes behind them and leaves him and Hinata alone. They hadn’t been alone together since they’d met, and that had been short-lived before Kuroo had come along. The silence swells between them, threatening to become stifling for a minute before Hinata flops back on the futon that Kenma’s mother had laid out for him and yawns loudly.

“All that travelling today made me so tired.” He mumbles, rolling over onto his side and fixing Kenma with a sleepy look that makes him shiver a little.

“We can go to sleep now, if you want.” Kenma says, crossing the room to sit on his own futon. Their beds are so close, he realises, so close that he could just reach across the small gap and link his fingers with Hinata’s, hand thrown carelessly into the space between them. He tucks his hands into his lap to stop himself.

“We could play video games for a little while?” Hinata suggests, perking up a little. Kenma doesn’t have to be told twice, shoots Hinata a quick smile before reaching to turn his Playstation on.

They play for an hour or so before Hinata taps out, jumping up to go brush his teeth and change into his pajamas. Kenma changes quickly and slips into bed, motioning for Hinata to turn the light off when he reappears, jeans and binder clutched in his hands as he makes his clumsy way to bed.

There’s silence, broken only by Hinata shifting in his bed, trying to make himself comfortable. Kenma rolls onto his side, eyes making out the faint lump that is Hinata through the dark. His blinds let in a soft glow from the streetlight outside his window, orange light falling in strips across their beds. The air holds that summery haze that comes with the heavy heat of night and the cicadas chirping outside. It was almost Pavlovian the way the familiar sound make Kenma’s eyes droop with tiredness. 

“Hey,” Hinata’s voice is a thin whisper through the low light, “Kenma, are you awake?”

Kenma makes a sound somewhere between a noise of affirmation and a grunt. Hinata laughs, and Kenma senses rather than sees him shuffle closer a little. As if a switch has been flipped, Kenma’s body suddenly feels like a live wire is coursing under his skin. Hinata, sleep soft and so close, whispering his name through the darkness. 

“Can I come closer?” Hinata asks, voice not sounding so sleepy anymore, and Kenma freezes for a second before he nods, stupidly, then realises Hinata can barely see him.

Sounding bolder than he feels he says, “Yes,” and then Hinata’s knees are pressing against his own, and Kenma’s shuffling back and Hinata’s so close he can smell the mint toothpaste on his breath-

Hinata is all shadows, his eyes catching that slatted light through the blinds, glowing through the dark at him, almost catlike. Kenma can feel something lodged in his throat, and the touch of Hinata’s hands to his own, curled up and clutching his duvet tightly, helps it unfurl a little. His hands are spiker’s hands, strong and wiry, calluses skating over the soft skin on the back of Kenma’s hands. 

“I like you.” Kenma blurts, voice scratchy from the words being blocked in his throat for so long. “Shouyou, I really like you.” The words seem like a secret, dropping into the heavy darkness between them. The light from outside illuminates Hinata’s face as it cycles through a range of emotions, stopping gently on wide eyed, soft smiling awe. Some part of Kenma wants to hide his face at that, he’s never seen anyone look at him so adoringly and openly before. Hinata’s hands cup his jaw, keep him from ducking away.

“Can I kiss you?” Hinata asks, and Kenma’s brain takes a second to catch up with reality before he nods, over eager, and Hinata’s grinning as he guides Kenma’s face down to his, but his lips are soft when their mouths meet, and Kenma thinks for a fleeting second, _my first kiss,_ before Hinata makes a noise against his lips and he kisses back. Gentle, tender, Hinata’s lips steady on his own. Kenma wonders if he’s done this before, then decides it doesn’t matter, just curls his fingers in the fabric of Hinata’s t-shirt, just above his hip, and breaks away for a second to catch his breath. Hinata’s lips don’t leave him, trailing kisses over his cheeks, his jaw, down his throat. Kenma’s breath hitches in his chest, and he tugs at Hinata’s shirt until he comes back up to Kenma’s level, noses bumping as he tries and fails to find Kenma’s lips in the dark, both of them laughing a little as Hinata presses a wonky kiss to Kenma’s chin.

“Kenma.” Hinata murmurs against his lips, and Kenma feels a rush of affection go through him and he breaks the kiss because all of sudden, he can’t stop smiling. 

Hinata lets him duck his head this time. Just shuffles up a bit so he can prop his chin on the top of Kenma’s head, loop his arms around his shoulders. Kenma smiles into Hinata’s chest, closing his eyes to savour the moment because he doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy.

“I like you too.” He mumbles belatedly, and he feels Hinata’s laugh rumble up through his chest, stir his hair as Hinata presses his face to the crown of Kenma’s head.

“That was so,” Kenma knows Hinata is holding back on making one of his loud, exaggerated noises he usually did. “So!” He settles for drumming his hands against Kenma’s back, wiggling in place. 

“I know.” Kenma murmurs, feeling suddenly brave and pressing a kiss to the hollow of Hinata’s throat. Hinata makes a pleased noise, kisses the top of his head. 

“Can I kiss you one more time before we sleep?” Hinata’s voice is soft, hopeful, and Kenma laughs quietly and nods. He lets Hinata tilt his face up, his kiss gentle and a little hesitant, as inexperienced as Kenma as he closes his eyes and smiles into the kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> this is it kids.. my fuckening otp
> 
> also i've never visited tokyo/been to japan so i apologise if this is wildly inaccurate please let me kno if it is! 
> 
> comments are always lovely :^)


End file.
